PR Humor 30 May 2007 10:53 am
Eiler Communications had an office in the Bay Area for 2 years. In the height of the dot.com burst it was an almost impossible task to find competent staff. California companies recognize the need for PR and the growing industry was demanding. Many firms were just hiring bodies without PR experience. Staff would stay 6 months and go to another firm for more salary. This prompted me to write this following spoof, though never published.
For Immediate Release:
Contact:Sandy Eiler, Eiler Communications, 734 761 3399
Innovative Approach Eases Staffing Deficit
San Francisco, Eiler Communications, public relations and marketing firm based in Ann Arbor, MI and San Mateo, CA unveiled today a revolutionary approach to the public relations operations of the company. Eiler, whose niche market is maintaining full public relations programs for hi-tech companies, revealed that they have been utilizing lobotomized baboons for the past year to orchestrate press tours for some of their clients.
Eiler announced that he has utilized the “total hi-tech” approach with his animalistic androids. Communications with clients in today™s world generally consist through fax, phone, email and overnight delivery. There is very little personal contact. We have saved our human professional staff for those clients that are reasonable to communicate with and want to interface with the agency.
The Androids undergo an extensive training program, post-lobotomy. Their skill sets and articulation have been calculated at an IQ range of 165. Currently, Eiler had six Androids and in process of training more for the growing firm. “The proficiency that the Androids possess is remarkable and akin to years of exposure in the industry that humans must have to equal.”
Eiler’s Androids just completed a highly successful press tour for one of their hi-tech clients, BananaTech. BananaTech was chosen for the Beta Test site of this innovative project primarily because of the lack of response by the client’s marketing management and the inaccessibility for Eiler staff to interface with them.
The press coverage that BananaTech received from this revolutionary tour is the proof of the excellent public relations effort and success. Reginald Stoneworthy, BananaTech’s VP of Marketing said, “I was amazed at the excellent results of the press tour. I now know that I should have been a responsive client and been able to deal with the PR firm’s professional staff. The Androids were not the only monkeys involved.”
The firm’s only concern is that this success could portray this profession as “monkey business” but unresponsive clients do not deserve the efforts of the highly professional human staff.
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